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Görücülük (Courtship)

According to Turkish tradition, when a family wants their son to get married, they first visit the potential wife and her family at home in order to inspect and (if all goes well) ask for her hand.

When couples propose to each other and wish to marry, there is a tradition in Turkish culture. When a couple discovers that their relationship is serious and plans to marry, their families get involved. On a predetermined night, the soon-to-be groom and his relatives pay a visit to the soon-to-be bride’s family’s home. When they plan to do the engagement ceremony and reception on the same night, they bring roses, cookies, and cakes and the engagement rings.

The bride-to-be makes Turkish coffee for everyone after both families settle down and get to know each other. When arranged marriages were customary, if a woman did not want to marry a man, she would put salt in his coffee to show that she did not want to marry him. However, in recent years, this custom has shifted, and women have begun to add salt to the men’s coffee regardless of the circumstances, just for pleasure.

When everybody is drinking coffee, the man’s father or a family elder asks the woman’s father or a family elder for permission to marry. If the women’s family agrees, they proceed to the wedding ceremony. Any families may also like to have some fun with music during the engagement ceremony.